saikotikgunman
Stand closer, the next person may be barefoot.
Please Read Disclaimer Before Continuing
DISCLAIMER: The following article is a social commentary. As a result, you may or may not like what it says. It is a reflection of what I believe is unethical treatment of events by mass media. It may also be a statement on the tendencies and behavior of people living and participating in modern society. It is NOT intended to disrespect any victims of any real life tragedy. Any similarities to actual events are either coincidental or satirical. Ultimately, it is meant to illustrate that journalists can go on about anything, but that they choose topics based on what will draw the most viewers/readers, hence garnering them more money. If you at any time find the below text distasteful, I invite you to cease reading and turn your attention elsewhere.
Unexplained Fatality Rattles Hen House
A farmer, who is choosing to remain unnamed, discovered the body of a hen beneath a hanging feeder during his daily afternoon feeding. Though reporters were late to the scene, eyewitness reports indicate she was a heavy bird with dark red wings leading into nearly black plumage. The cause of death is unclear and authorities are unwilling to reveal details. Despite an active investigation, none of her sixty cohabitants have been taken in for questioning. Unsubstantiated claims indicate that the body was unharmed. Though her head was uncommonly blue in tint, her feathers were unruffled and no blood was seen. Again, investigators declined to comment on this statement.
Hen house administrators have publicly announced that egg laying, defecating, and other regular activities would continue, though counsellings is being offered to any hens or roosters suffering emotionally at the loss. A memorial service will be held around the East Waterer, as officials have taped off the feeder where the body was discovered to prevent tampering with the scene.
Reportedly, she leaves behind two fertilized eggs, however the cock was not available for comments. Upon interviewing other hens who had known her, there was no consensus and much speculation with regard to these offspring. Many cited bickering and unexplained bald spots during mating season, but this is not necessarily symptomatic of abuse as pecking is a common mating ritual. There is a resounding belief among those interviewed that the deceased was a mentally stable, productive, and content member of the community and unlikely to have committed suicide. Unexplained Fatality Rattles Hen House
A farmer, who is choosing to remain unnamed, discovered the body of a hen beneath a hanging feeder during his daily afternoon feeding. Though reporters were late to the scene, eyewitness reports indicate she was a heavy bird with dark red wings leading into nearly black plumage. The cause of death is unclear and authorities are unwilling to reveal details. Despite an active investigation, none of her sixty cohabitants have been taken in for questioning. Unsubstantiated claims indicate that the body was unharmed. Though her head was uncommonly blue in tint, her feathers were unruffled and no blood was seen. Again, investigators declined to comment on this statement.
Hen house administrators have publicly announced that egg laying, defecating, and other regular activities would continue, though counsellings is being offered to any hens or roosters suffering emotionally at the loss. A memorial service will be held around the East Waterer, as officials have taped off the feeder where the body was discovered to prevent tampering with the scene.
We will keep you informed of any breaking news as they become public. In the mean time, please join us in extending our thoughts and prayers to those chickens and the farmer affected by this terrible event.
Michael Tashner
April 18, 2007
No expended rounds - Fire!
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